Fashion is the devil's game. You think you're winning, but seconds later, you look down and your poncho has been out of style for six years, and not only are your capri pants 11 inches too short, they're also a faux pas. With the arts desk's help, you can get ahead of the curve in 2014 and finally feel good about yourself.
1. Big-ass sun hats. Right now, sun hats are limited to pale, middle-aged beachgoers who are afraid of getting sunburnt, but enjoy reading mystery-thrillers at the beach. This is the year they cross over, and they’re going to be bigger than ever. Drooping-down-around-your-waist. The sun-tanned look is so donezo.
2. Third and fourth eyebrows. This one’s coming out of left field, but that’s fashion for you! Next year, stop by your CVS and pick up a second set of ‘brows. Coming in a variety of makes and models, stick them above your originals. You’ll be showing emotions twice as much with your face and you’ll be twice as popular as you are now.
3. Reverse Macklemore cuts. This might sound like the same thing as balding, but it’s definitely not because people are choosing to look like this. Shave the top of your head, leave the sides and look great getting your morning coffee at Starbucks.
4. Baggy suits. Baggy suits are actually timeless, which means 2014 will be a great year to look like a 6-year-old who raided his father’s closet. The trick is to take your suit size and double it.
5. Toe-less toe shoes. Toe shoes were never cool, we know, but wait until you see strong-jawed men with their toes hanging out, nails perfectly manicured. 2014 is going to be something else.
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