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'Delivery Man'
Rated PG-13: for thematic elements, sexual content, some drug material, brief violence and language
Running time: 103 minutes
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"Delivery Man" is nowhere near the worst film of 2013, but it is definitely the most exhausting.
The main character seems to exist in 36-hour days without any sleep. There appear to be montages within the montages. The sperm-donor-acting-as-guardian-angel plot is like watching six seasons of "Highway to Heaven" crammed into one 103-minute sitting.
The biggest problem is a punishing script, piling on so many clichés that it starts to warp reality. Meanwhile, the actors do little to mask the deficiencies. This is a film that a 2000s Will Ferrell[1] or early-1980s Eddie Murphy[2] might have willed into being funny. Present-day Vince Vaughn[3] doesn't stand a chance.
Vaughn is David, a meat-delivery guy who is terrible at his job but still beloved in the family business because he's such a nice guy. It says something about the laziness of the screenplay that David owes $80,000 to the mob and has a girlfriend (Cobie Smulders[4] ) who announces she's pregnant at his lowest moment. David donated sperm 18-plus years ago under the pseudonym Starbuck, and now more than 100 of his 533 children want to know who he is.
"Delivery Man" is a copy of the 2011 French-Canadian film "Starbuck," which had the same writer/director but benefited from an "R" rating and indie sensibility. ("Delivery Man" just barely grazes the lower edges of PG-13, with mild masturbation and drug references.)
Worst of all is the unfounded decision to make Starbuck a national pariah. At a time when a celebrity known for a sex tape can end up with her own clothing line, the guy who fathered 533 children would be more beloved than Mr. Rogers.
Vaughn is strangely subdued in the role, which would normally be a blessing.
But with very little scripted humor, a force-of-nature performance was the best chance to save the film. At times, the comic and dramatic momentum is left to the musical score, a mix of pianos and strings mixed extra loud so we never forget how we're supposed to feel.
Two of the smaller performances help to make the film tolerable: Chris Pratt[5] is well used as Brett, David's sad-sack best friend and incompetent lawyer.
Andrzej Blumenfeld[6] is wonderful as David's father Mikolaj. The actor, whose career was built overseas, steals every scene he's in with a gruff-but-loving paternal understanding that he can convey with a gesture.
References
- ^ Will Ferrell (www.chron.com)
- ^ Eddie Murphy (www.chron.com)
- ^ Vince Vaughn (www.chron.com)
- ^ Cobie Smulders (www.chron.com)
- ^ Chris Pratt (www.chron.com)
- ^ Andrzej Blumenfeld (www.chron.com)
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